Are you afraid of sex?

By nightloveblog on June 3, 2013

We all keep saying how wonderful sex is and that sex practice makes it perfect. We think that mature people have reached their perfection in sex. But this is not really so. It turns out that many people have some fear of sex, which may not allow us sometimes to get relaxed or even have sexual intercourse. Of course it’s normal to be afraid when having sex with a new partner for the first time. There’s another side of the coin which makes people refuse to have sexual intercourse or have it unwillingly. And this is a rather usual phenomenon. Why is it so and how to fight it?

Women fear of sex

Many people explain it differently: women may be lazy, frigid, tired and so on. But in reality more than 1/3 of them are just afraid to have sexual intercourse. Specialists call this kind of fear erotophobia.

The reason for this may be psychological problems. In most cases these are some psychotraumas connected with sex. But there’re other reasons as well. For example, a girl who has just started having sex in her life may be escaping sex because she is too intimately inexperienced. This is normal and can hardly be called erotophobia, because it won’t be a problem as she gets older.

If a woman at the age of 30 (especially if she has children) has the fear of sex – then it’s not normal. In her mind she has it that sex is something bad, humiliating, hurtful… The reasons for such thought are very different. The most widespread of them is her painful loss of virginity. That pain she experienced makes her think up to now that sex is very hurtful. And these thoughts give the reasons for fears.

Another reason for female frigidity is rape. Rape is always connected with humiliation, pain and great stress. Such psychological traumas should be treated by psychologists. Usually as soon as a man touches such woman she instantly remembers all the details when she was raped, making her go through all these awful events again.

One more reason for a fear is their upbringing. Very often mothers, wishing to save their daughters from early sexual intercourse, convince them that having sex is bad. Sometimes this is what mothers and grannies do who have never gotten satisfaction from sex. Besides, there are fathers that too severe with their daughters’ boyfriends. Anyway girls are brought up in the atmosphere of danger caused by sex. So having sex is possible only after they get married and only if they really wish it. But they will find better to have it only for the sake of having children.

And finally one of the reasons why women fear sex is bad attitude and verbal assault of women by men. Any woman will feel herself useless in bed if a man tells her she can’t satisfy him and actually is useless. Moreover, it’s the dead-end if she starts looking for all kinds of drawback in herself: overweight, cellulite, imperfect body and so on. The fear of sex is guaranteed.

Now let’s have a look at men fears.

Men fear of sex

In our society men are considered to be thinking about sex only. As if all men are obsessed with sex and the only thing they are thinking about is getting laid. In reality it’s all very different. Sometimes men aren’t less afraid of sex than women… or even more.

The most widespread reasons for erotophobia are:

The fear that a man won’t be able to do it well. This is a subconscious fear having its roots in the sad experience before.
The fear that the relationships will become worse after sex. Then a man is supposed to be enjoying romance.
The fear of not being as good as previous lovers of the woman. This fear appears if the woman had described the qualities of her previous partners.
The fear of virgins. They are afraid that innocent virgins will get too attached to them and of the possibility of hurting them.
The fear of showing their body as an imperfect one. They are afraid that women may get dissatisfied with their men as soon as they see them naked with a big beer belly.
The fear of coming too soon. Quick orgasm happens to all men from time to time. So if it has happened to a man before, it may cause reasons to fear it may happen again.
The fear of a small penis. That fear is very unreasonable, because people see huge penises in porn movies so think that there’s something wrong with their own body.
The fear of responsibility for all the actions. Usually it’s the fear the girl’s angry parents and the fear she may get pregnant.
The fear that women may think that men want only sex from them.
The fear to alienate a woman with some sort of sexual perversion. Especially if the only sex a woman accepts is the one with a man on top.
The fear of having sex with beautiful women. They’re sure that beauty demands money, so they may not afford sex with this “beauty”.
The fear of having sex with independent intelligent women. Men are afraid of losing leadership.
The fear of STDs – sexually transmitted diseases.

As you can see many fears that men have are very similar to the ones that women have. That means that they all have the same roots. Thus the fear of sexual relationships is mostly a psychological factor and can be overcome without the help of any specialists. The most important thing is to believe that sex is something beautiful and enjoyable and making love is natural.

The looks of the person you love is the most perfect. Little experience is not a disadvantage either. Sometimes it can be very attractive. The fears of pregnancy and STDs are irrational since there are so many contraceptives and protections nowadays.

Besides, the easiest way of getting rid of your fears is experimenting with them more often.