Female sexuality

sexualityFemale sexuality began to be talked about only in the XX century. Before that anorgasmia and frigidity were mass phenomenons and the whole vision of a woman was her being either chaste or vicious. Chaste women were characterized by indifference and disgust for sex life, while vicious women were lustful and insatiable. The idea that a woman can get satisfaction from sex and her own body was tabooed. Thus women found themselves between the devil and the deep sea: they were afraid to unleash their sexuality because of the fear of being reputed vicious. Unfortunately for many centuries women have been toys in men’s hands. Now thanks to Sigmund Freud we know that all people’s behavior is rooted in the power of sexual attraction. Only men had this power before, but with time and as a result of sex revolutions the situation has changed and women have got the right to talk aloud about sexuality.

Sexuality is given to us. But we don’t know how to use it and treat it right. In patriarch society everything was oriented and directed toward men. Even now women are seeking their sexuality in men, i.e. women want them to say they are stunning and sexy although they may know this themselves. Women disregard their own wishes. Women strive to be the object of desire to many men and their individuality disappears. It brings a lot of inconvenience and discomfort: such as girls wearing high heels in the wintertime !

The saddest thing is trying to be attractive to a person we know closely without really wanting it but rather being attractive to a collective image of a man we have in our head and on the pages of magazines. Not all men like mini-skirts and high heels, not all of them get crazy about skinny models. Tastes differ.

The wish to look perfect makes women uncertain and hesitating. Instead of enjoying the process of communication they have one-track mind thinking about their appearance all the time. Bad manicures can spoil your mood. Even though the man may never notice that your manicures aren’t perfect any more, he will definitely pay attention to your sadness and nervousness. And the worst is that he can take it as his fault.

female sexuality2And there are so many women who are afraid to disclose themselves because of the very strict upbringing in childhood. Some women were told they have a big nose and bowed legs, others were told that men want only one thing from her – sex, or they were informed of HIV infection risk. As a result we don’t believe we are beautiful and we don’t trust men… So how are we going to make relationships work?

It’s important to know that the perception of sexuality goes from the family and is passed from one woman to another one. Our female ancestors were busy with survival. Very often they replaced men if those were missing. Many of us were taught that being feminine and physically attractive isn’t obligatory. Studying well, having a prestigious job and not thinking about nonsense are important. In fact many of us were actually forbidden to be women. Actually such bans can work all life long if you don’t resist them. Our mothers and grannies ask us why we don’t have husbands and children. Don’t they realize that it’s hardly possible to start dating and get married, because we have been convinced that interest in men is shameful? Besides some of us may have had incomplete families with fathers missing.

In general for many of us sexuality is hidden somewhere deep inside us. How shall we use our sexuality to get pleasure ourselves?

A little experiment was carried out by New York University where 50 men at the age of 20-30 years old were asked a question how they see sexuality and what is more important for them.

So numbers were:

1)  55 % of men consider the ability to flirt, communicate easily and make eyes are very important;

2) 18 % think appearance is the most important (the body, perfect state of skin, hair, teeth, nails and the general health state);

3) for 17 % percent of men it is important when women take good care of their body and are confident in themselves;

4) for 6 % of men female sexuality is all about getting beautifully dressed, having a good haircut and make-up, and expensive jewellery;

5) 4 % of men consider female individuality, which makes her different from others, the basis of sexuality.

Let’s elaborate on each point a little.

sexuality 3For 55 % of men your good attitude to them is important. Flirting with him you get pleasure from you being a woman and him being a man, you demonstrate your weapon – your womanhood. You show that you are capable of love and trust. Of course you will agree that it’s so hard to get attracted to somebody you hate or are afraid of. Nowadays many women share the feeling of hatred toward men. Such women don’t have any admirers. But men instinctively feel those women who are attracted to them. Such women may not be the most beautiful ones but they always have many admirers and worshippers.

A psychologist will help to solve basic problems with trusting men (because more often this problem takes its roots from childhood). You can learn to flirt only when you are flirting. Practice makes perfect. Start smiling to people surrounding you at public transport, in the street; pay attention to the way you move, to your walk, your gestures and voice when you smile or talk. When communicating with a man, remember that it’s not your friend or brother in front of you, but a representative of opposite sex who you are attracted to. And you yourself aren’t a woman whose life is full of hardships and challenges, but a funny and coquettish woman. And don’t forget that flirting is very safe, it doesn’t imply anything more serious, and men understand this perfectly. The most important thing is to remember the limits.

Of course your appearance is no less important for men. And it can hardly be improved. You know that men are very visual when it comes to love, and it’s always like this. But there are good news too: different men like different women. That’s why you just need to find a man who will see you as the most beautiful and enchanting woman. So instead of keeping to different diets, trying to straighten your curly hair you should love yourself as you are. Try to maximally highlight your advantages and hide your imperfections. Don’t try to change yourself; otherwise you’ll meet a wrong man. You don’t need to pretend to be the woman who you actually aren’t. You need to be looking for a man who will appreciate you and love you for who you are. Only with such a person you’ll be able to live a long happy life together. Every day use any opportunity to make yourself a compliment. Some time later other people, wishing to do that, will appear in your life.

female sexuality6Your self-confidence is important. The woman who takes care of her body, knows and loves herself, promises much sensual pleasure to her man. Self-confidence is a magnet which attracts men. The woman, who genuinely believes she is attractive, looks attractive too. That’s not easy to learn. Of course you can read hundreds of books teaching you how to be attractive and how to love yourself. But the only things that can help are consulting a psychologist, different personal growth trainings, as well as dancing and yoga. Your friends can help you too: they can make compliments and say how amazingly beautiful you are, until other admirers come into your life.

Women think that their “package” is important. But as you see not many men love you for having popular make-up and manicures, ideal hair-style and if you look trendy. They estimate the appearance of a woman as a whole. Besides a man who is looking for an ideally packed woman can be called a narcissist, because such men aren’t usually looking for women but for “accessories” that will match them. Are you ready to be his “purse”? You need to find a man who you wouldn’t be afraid to wake up with.

And finally traits of character and individual peculiarities. Before getting interested in your inner world, your love to classical music, literature and sports, he will definitely be more interested in your looks first. But this is normal.

So the most important thing is to live your life to the fullest. Remember that we live only once and some moments may never happen again. Enjoy every moment of your  life!